i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
