I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize