i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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