too bad you live with your parents still
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
