I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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