I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
