You made me cry and you don't even care
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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