whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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