Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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