I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
