I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize