I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
