I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
