im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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