I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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