So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
