To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
