i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
