so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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