you thought your balls were fighting each other...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You took a bar mat shot.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
