I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
All I want is dick and wine.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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