Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
