this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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