Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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