I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
