Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She even gives head with a lisp.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
