Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
