The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
