you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
