I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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