I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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