she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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