is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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