We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
it's great music for shaving your balls
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Someone signed my nipple.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
