I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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