we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
