**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
