he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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