need another drink. this is the easiest way
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
