Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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