I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
