Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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