i just sent this text using only my big toe
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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