I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
