You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
