I smell stomach acid.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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