im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
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