i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
