If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
