Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
