D3 body, D1 cock
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
