God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
