this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
