we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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