as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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