Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
