So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
