I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
