the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
