I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i barfeds in our rink
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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