$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
we should paint friendship bongs
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
