I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
