This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
