sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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