I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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