He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
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