Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
