I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We are all done wearing pants today
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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