Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
