Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize