so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize