ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
