How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He felt like a one man threesome
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
