I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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