I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
