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i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
