you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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