Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
