i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
