mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
