I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
