butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
