The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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