How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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