dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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