Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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