ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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