All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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