he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
