1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize