yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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