i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
