i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
