oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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