guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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