census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
