I'd wear matching sweaters with you
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
