so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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