Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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