Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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