I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
