i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
