Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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