True but thats because hes a fetus.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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