'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
