i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
