god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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