you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
