One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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